The normal reaction I get when I tell people how many times I've been on bridesmaid duty is sympathy and a reference to Katherine Heigl in 27 dresses. While all of the dresses, shoes and travel have certainly been expensive, I feel lucky that I have strong friendships with all of these girls who have asked me to be a part of one of the most important days of their lives. And it's taught me exactly what I want and don't want if I ever take a trip down the aisle (destination wedding or courthouse seem like the best bets).
Considering myself a professional bridesmaid, I've come up with some tips for those of you who will be wearing the matching dresses sometime soon:
1. Your hair and makeup don't matter.
Excited to get your hair and makeup professionally done and try out something spectacular? Don't be. Inevitably, it won't be exactly what you want and you will be dissapointed. Discuss with the bride before hand exactly what she wants everyone to look like. All of my friends have been kind enough to say "whatever you're most comfortable with" - take that direction seriously. Your friend's wedding day is not the time to try out a bright red lip or hairstyle you've never worn before. Either wear your hair in a nice style you can do yourself, or ask the stylist for something simple - and bring pictures so she isn't guessing and re-doing your hair multiple times! Same goes for makeup.
The bride will be stressed out enough about how she looks and getting everyone ready on time, and the best thing you can do is be happy with your look so you can focus on her. I always am amazed at how many bridesmaids spend all day fussing over themselves rather than helping the bride. Of course you want to look great in the pictures, so plan ahead for something you know will work rather than panicking at the last minute that it's not what you want.
2. Let the bride vent to you, but don't get her worked up.
Weddings are fun, emotional, exciting and stressful all at the same time. Even those families who always get along will find something to bicker about and there will be a point either in the planning or on the actual day that the bride is upset and wants to vent to you about it. Let her, but don't feed into it. You are there to calm her down and tell her how you can help. You're not there to talk about all the ways her soon-to-be sister-in-law is ruining her day. I have found a simple "she's crazy." gets to the point and helps the bride move on.
3. Help, help, help.
Showers, bachelorette parties, rehearsals and brunches can all be fun for the bridesmaids, but remember your most important role is making sure the bride is happy. You don't want to be the bridesmaid everyone had to take care of at the bachelorette party because you couldn't handle your liquor. Have fun, act stupid, but make sure it's the bride who gets to let loose the most. After all, she's trusted you to stand with her on one of the biggest days of her life, and she needs to trust you to keep her safe and help her hold onto to some of her dignity when she's ready to party.
4. Think about what the bride really wants.
Normally when you think bachelorette party, you think penis toys, lots of liquor and bright pink sashes. And when it comes to the shower, you might think tea sandwiches and sundresses. But is that really what the bride wants? Rather than doing what the stereotypes say, think carefully about what would be most fun for the bride. I've been to bachelorette parties where the maid of honor did what the bride wanted, and where she didn't - and it is so much more fun, no matter what you're doing, when it's what the bride wants to do. One of the best parties was for my best friend Emily - we spent the weekend relaxing, eating great food and enjoying some time in the sun. We took her out drinking one night, but that's not what she's most interested in, so we didn't make the whole weekend about that. She had a great time, and we had fun seeing her so happy.
5. Size matters.
Did the salesperson at the bridal shop tell you to order a size 12 dress? Do it. Do not think you are going to magically transform yourself into a greek goddess in six months and order a smaller size than you need. Better that the dress be big so you can have it taken in then to try on a dress a week before the wedding and have it not fit. Watching a bridesmaid try to zip up a dress on the wedding day that just isn't going to zip is a nightmare I can't even describe fully - don't let that be you.
6. Be grateful.
It is so easy to complain about how much money you have to spend, all the travel you have to do, and that you're "always a bridesmaid, never a bride." Don't. Be happy that you are someone special in the bride's life and think about what you would want from your bridesmaids for your wedding. If you have good friends, they will make being a bridesmaid as fun and easy for you as possible. And you should do the same for them as the bride.
Have fun, meet cute groomsmen, and enjoy celebrating with your friends. It will be over before you know it, and you'll want great memories to keep with you.
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